I remember the exact moment when Zayde, my grandfather, tried to engage me in a conversation about his death. He was living with prostate cancer that would inevitably end his life and he wanted to talk about possessions, specifically the apartment that he owned. I was young, still in college, and intermingled with the concerns about property ownership and committing to living in a specific place, was my deep fear of acknowledging that death would come for this man I loved.
It’s taken many years to grow from that moment and to be able to talk about end-of-life for myself and others. The more I practice through conversation with others, the more I am liberated from the fear I felt standing next to my Zayde years ago. Back then, it didn’t occur to me that engaging with this difficult conversation could be an act of chesed, of loving-kindness, a way to offer caring human connection and honor the reality my Zayde faced.
As we count each day leading up to Shavuot and reading the book of Ruth, I am reflecting on the themes of the holiday, and Ruth, around relationships. I think about how we can support each other in growing more comfortable with exploring the end-of-life; each day is a reminder we are on a journey.
Ruth is a story that starts with death and loss and closes with renewed life and connectedness. Dr. Amy Kalmanofsky wrote, “At its heart, Ruth is a story about human relationships, and more importantly, about human relatedness. Its story shows how, when human beings commit to and are kind to one another, bounty ensues.”
From a place of loving-kindness, I hope we can integrate end-of-life conversations into our lives so that we might find the bounty, comfort, and connection they can provide. By talking about life’s hardest transition we honor the ones we love.
